It’s really no secret to people close to me that I do not
handle stress well {if at all}. I either
manifest physical symptoms {stomach ache,
muscle aches, etc.} or emotional ones {irritability,
crying, lashing out}…I know lovely, right? I’ve come to recognize this in myself and
sometimes I feel like I’m getting better and then WHAM- I turn into a big jerk
and wish I could take my foot out of my mouth and start over.
An incident like this happened today and it was with one of
my absolute best friends. I have been
insanely stressed and overwhelmed about our financial situation since D lost
his job and I think I thought {or pretended…}
like we had it way more under control than we actually do. He’s currently working two jobs and still
making about half what he was before. If
we just had our regular bills to pay, it would be one thing, but with the
wedding and honeymoon creeping closer and closer + all of the other
miscellaneous gifts and things that go along with that that need to be
purchased, the numbers just do not add up.
Anyway, I took out some of this stress on aforementioned friend and I deeply regret it. I apologized of course and sent her a note to
try to explain where I was coming from…I’m not about excuses but I think it
helps when people explain where they are coming from and why they may have
acted the way they did in situations like these.
I hope she can
move past my jerk-moment and forgive me for lashing out. We’ve been friends for almost 19 years and we
rarely fight. I’ve been sick to my
stomach about it.
I am bound and determined to find better ways to cope with
stress and manage myself when I get overwhelmed. This has been a life-long battle and it’s
just not fair to me or the people in my war path. I am praying for strength and patience during
this time of uncertainty…I know that D and I will figure it out but sometimes
it’s hard to see the silver lining.
Instead of continuously beating myself up about it, I am just going to
vow to do better…again and again. That’s all we can do, right? Continue to improve and at least learn from
our mistakes, because Lord knows they are bound to happen.
I am thankful that tomorrow is a brand new day and I can start fresh and leave the worries of the day behind me.
-T-