My thoughts on "Trying"- 12.20.2014

I wrote this post MONTHS ago obviously and wasn't quite brave enough to share it but I hoped that one day I would have a big round pregnant belly and finally feel comfortable sharing some of the deep dark secret thoughts I had when we made the decision to start "trying" for a baby.  Today appears to be that day.  PLEASE know that I am well aware of how incredibly blessed we are that we are pregnant and that it didn't take us very long at all to get there-at the time of writing this post, I wasn't pregnant and didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. {disclaimer over}

This baby fever thing is no joke.  To some people, today is Saturday, December 20, 2014.  To me, it's day 22.  It's month #4 of this whole "trying" business and letmetellyou it's not all I thought it would be.  I'm just being honest.  I honestly didn't think we'd have to see a month #4.  I didn't really know what I was getting into but I knew that I really wanted a baby with the man of my dreams, my best friend, my hubs.  I also knew that many people in my life decided they wanted a baby and BAM they made baby.

I know that's not the most realistic perspective.  I know most people try for months before they get pregnant.  I told myself (and the hubs) that we'd just have fun and try and see what happened.  But when you're talking about something that will change every aspect of your life, it's hard to just throw caution to the wind and "see what happens."  Can anyone else relate?  I had to make sure we waited long enough after the wedding so I could travel to one of my best friend's weddings.  So we waited.  THEN when we actually started trying, I kept thinking about all of the holidays/celebrations that were coming up.  What if I'm pregnant and I don't know it and I'm drunk on Halloween dressed up like a cat?  What kind of mom is that!?  What if I'm pregnant on Thanksgiving...what about all. the. wine.  They'll notice if I don't drink and then the cat's out of the bag!  What about Christmas/New Years/Kwanzaa/President's Day...

I didn't actually think all of those thoughts but you get my drift.  More people started getting engaged and planning 2015 weddings.  All of these things seemed to be happening around me while I waited in limbo stage from one week to the next, always wondering if this would be our chance.  I prayed all the time.  I'd get my hopes up and have phantom symptoms and then I'd get a big slap across the face (or uterus) and be doubled over with cramps, holding onto my heating pad for dear life, cursing the day I became a "woman" and I'd wait until our next opportunity to create life.

I'm writing this because I believe (hope?) that some other crazy ladies out there can relate.  I. feel. crazy.  I tried for more years than I care to admit NOT to get pregnant, not because I didn't want a baby but because I hadn't found my guy yet, and now it was all I wanted and it wasn't happening exactly the way I'd always thought it would.  Like all things, I know that God has a plan.  I know that this isn't in my control.  I know that this is just a phase and someday I'll look back and laugh at how impatient I was.  But today is day 22 and I am praying that day 1 doesn't come again for awhile. :)

-T-

Did you know?

That little blogs hidden away in the corners of the internet can, in fact, accumulate dust when left sad and ignored for months on end?!  Its true.  This Little Corner of the World is the proof.  I honestly don’t know what’s been holding me back aside from pure laziness.  I’ve written a few posts that just never made it past the draft stage, but that’s about it.  Anyway, lately the itch to write has gotten stronger and I’ve decided to bite the bullet and dive back in. The stay may be temporary, but who knows, I’m taking it one day at a time for now. :)

Today I am 36 weeks and 4 days pregnant! I’m going to share a pretty personal, frustration-fueled post later this week that goes back to December when we were trying to get pregnant but weren’t yet successful.  I know I have friends in similar situations, many of which have been going at it for much longer than we had to and sitting here now with my big round belly, I’ve got to say it puts things in perspective.  You never know when the tables of your life are going to turn in your favor and I am constantly reminding myself that no matter what I’m going through {good or bad}, it’s the just the current season of my life and it too will pass.  It’s helping me to really enjoy the good moments a little bit more, and not to spend too much time dwelling on the things that aren’t exactly going my way.  

So in honor of all things positive, I wanted to share a few things I’m loving right at this very moment in no particular order:

1.        Starbucks Fall Cups- I have been doing such a good job of making my own coffee at home lately, but every once in a while I crave a honey soy latte that I just can’t replicate at home.  Also- apparently it’s National Coffee Day today, so I was just celebrating!

1.  Non-Maternity Yoga Pants- they make me feel like I’m still the same person I was before I found out about this amazing little man in my belly and sometimes I just need to feel like me.  Unlike the non-maternity tank tops I’ve been sporting {in the privacy of my own home-you're welcome} that continuously ride up and leave my belly hanging out no matter what I do. 
2. Cooler Weather- The weather lately makes me happier than ever this year, now that I have my own little belly furnace. Capone LOVES it too and I’m having a hard time getting us both back inside in the mornings so I can get to work on time.
3. My husband- Let’s be honest- I love him every moment, but he seriously deserves a medal for the way he has handled this pregnancy.  I get unlimited massages- feet, shoulders, back, calves, etc.  He is insanely sweet and understanding and handles my delightful mood swings like a champ.  I could not do this without him and he’s made the entire experience that much more enjoyable.  I cannot WAIT to see him with our baby boy. 
4. My fur baby- Capone has been the sweeeeetest little love bug throughout this pregnancy.  He finally graduated from trying to sit on the baby any chance he got, to just crawling in my lap and being as close to me as possible at all times.  He is so adorable and I really hope he loves his little brother.  I also really hope he gets all the love and attention he needs- he’s always been there for us and I don’t want him to forget how much we love him!  Watch this adorable sequence of events from last night--

"That's the spot mom...

 

"What? I'm not tired."

 

"I'm just gonna rest my eyes for a minute."

 

 "zzzzzzzzzzzz"

Alright folks, the baby is currently karate chopping my pelvis so I’m going to take that as our cue to sign off for the night.  Feels real good to be back...see you soon!

-T-