I've had quite a few people ask me what life is like with 2 under a recently. A couple of them had their first kiddos around the time I had Duke or earlier so they were surprised to see me with another one already. We've also gotten some funny not so subtle comments from people like "you're going to wait awhile before the next one right?!" I shrug it off because it's silly when people think they deserve to have an opinion about when or how we build our family, but I couldn't help but think about these past few months as I tried to answer those who were genuinely asking because they are about to embark on the same crazy ride.
My arms are always full. Someone always needs something from me. That's not a bad thing, just a fact right now. I have 2 babies. Duke might be a big brother, but he's not a "big kid". He's BIG in size though...:) He communicates with us very well in his own way but he doesn't say a lot of words. He can't sit still for very long and when he needs his mama, he needs his mama. One thing I have tried to do from the very beginning was always try to give him what he physically needs. If he wants to climb up in my lap while I'm nursing, I hoist all 30 pounds of him onto the couch with one arm. If Dennis is home we trade back and forth depending on who needs what but when I'm on my own I really try to make sure neither one of them is missing out.
Duke absolutely adores Theo. I think he's young enough not to get jealous or see Theo as someone taking attention away from him. Instead he sees him as his little buddy and frequently tries to pick him up, give him kisses or rub his head when he cries. He gets so excited to find him in the mornings and is surprisingly gentle with him. Sometimes he forgets and tries to sit on his lap...or head, but for the most part, gentle head rubs for the win! I posted a video on Facebook recently where Duke was singing to Theo and rocking his Rock n' Play back and forth. It was the sweetest!
I won't pretend to be an expert but I will share a few things that have worked for us and made this transition go a lot better than I expected it too!
- GET OUT- get out of the house and get out of your head! The calmer you are, the calmer your babies will be. I am admittedly quite the homebody, but we HAVE to get out of the house to be happy. It can be overwhelming to think about with 2 little ones, but it's so important. We are fortunate with the weather right now where we can get outside so Duke can be a little crazier but we go to restaurants, the pool, stores, etc. all the time too. I generally scope out an escape plan just in case sh*t hits the fan and we have to bolt, but even if we do, it's still worth it. We also set up a lot of fun toys and activities outside so I can be sitting on the porch with Theo while Duke plays in the sandbox, goes down the slide, or dumps all of the water out of the water table. He loves his new golf set and throwing toys for Capone that Capone never fetches.
- Get one on one time in whenever you can. This certainly isn't groundbreaking advice but I quickly started to notice our evening routine was 10x smoother when Duke got some solo mama time immediately after getting home from daycare. It doesn't always work...if Theo needs to nurse, he needs to nurse! But if Theo can hang out in his bouncy seat for awhile while I give Duke some undivided attention, he listens better and is much more patient for the rest of the evening. He gets mama snuggle time with his milk before bed and Theo is usually sleeping on my chest or sitting in my lap from the time Duke goes to bed to the time Theo and I go to bed. This gives me 0 time to myself when I'm not at work these days but it's temporary and I really need those snuggles!
- Try not to forget about your husband. I spent so much time thinking about how Duke would react to being a big brother, that I totally forgot about how having 2 kids would impact my relationship with my husband. It seems monumentally harder to carve out time for the 2 of us now, but it's probably equally as important that we do it. I posted about our day date and we have some fun 'adult only' trips and evenings coming up in the next few months and I'm so excited. I make a conscious effort not to spend the whole time thinking about how much I miss the boys and focus on my main man. We both always walk away happier and give each other a lot more grace in the days/weeks that follow.
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